For me, winter is an evil and unwanted kind of temperature play. It’s a season where the Magic Wand often stays in my drawer because it’s not blanket burrito compatible, and since nobody has invented the Mitten-doe, I’ve acquired some tricks to using sex toys when it seems too cold to move.
1. Heating pads are your friend. You often hear that glass and steel toys are perfect for temperature play because you can pop them in a bowl of warm water and they’ll hold that temperature. However, if you’re already spooning your heating pad, you can use it as a beautiful blanket for your cold toys as well. Don’t try this on toys with a motor because I feel like science would tell you that’s not a good idea, but glass toys can use a little jacket since they’re always so damn cold. Above, I’ve got the Njoy Eleven, The Ursa Glass Dildo, and the Njoy Pure Plug (medium).
2. Toys with an internal heating pad. I’ve heard banging things about the L’Amourose Rosa Rouge, and one of my favorite work horse vibes, the Wahl massager, has a heated version. I suggest their non-heated counterparts year-round, but ’tis the season for doing everything to escape the frigid temperatures (unless you’re in Australia, then I’m sorry; I hope you have an ice bed). If you want to go low-tech, you can fill the dildos and plugs in the Ceramix line with warm water to keep your genitals cozy.
3. Keep the chosen ones close. I’ve joked about sewing a Tango-shaped pocket in my pillow, but I’m not kidding now. It’s a lot easier to masturbate/sex it up when there’s only an arms-length between the nearest toy and your blanket fort.
4. Choose wisely. I mentioned above that the Magic Wand is not blanket-burrito compatible, and I know that MW die-hards probably have some secret mattress mount for theirs, and if so, I need to know more. However, I prefer winter toys that allow the least amount of cold air to circulate within my carefully constructed seven-layer blanket cake. On the other hand, you could just sleep in a sea of your favorite toys [with TrenchcoatX on the computer] and never leave your warmth fortress.
5. Smelly things that smell warm. Sarah from Marvelous Darling once said that Good Clean Love’s Cinnamon Vanilla lube smells kind of like you’re fucking in a bakery, and that’s a pretty great sensory trick if you’re actually fucking in a cold apartment. I’m partial to incense that smell like camp fire myself, but find whatever scenty thing puts you in a head space to become one with the warmth.
6. Massage candles. This allows you to pack suggestion #5, plus a warm massage into one package. However, there is no safe way to use a massage candle under covers. That’s a terrible idea, so you’re going to have to brave beyond the blankets. Some fantastic companies make them like Seagrape Soap and Smitten Kitten.
7. “What about warming lube?” I have never tried any type of warming lube and just included this for people who might ask. I’ve heard mixed reviews, because each formula and person varies. From the many stories of others, I’ve deduced that you should start with a brand whose lube you already trust, check the ingredients to make sure you’re compatible (many brands use mint or cinnamon essential oils), then start by applying it to less sensitive areas then working your way up. May the warmth be with you.
8. Onesies. I just really love onesies (as evidenced by the end of this video). They’re like a sleeping bag with sleeves. If we want to tie it in to the theme here, there are onesies with bum flaps and buttons in the front for easy, yet still onesie-clad, access. But also, they come in any theme you can imagine, and sometimes I just want to be a warm, winter sloth.
9. A warm drink. I could have made this an even ten, but I’m cutting it here because it’s time for a drink. This is unrelated to sex, but didn’t you see that coming with the onesie suggestion? Chelsea Gregoire is a brilliant writer and beverage consultant, and as her partner, I benefit from her delicious cocktails. Now, so do you, because she’s contributed this toasty winter drink recipe!
This is a take on the Hot Toddy with an extra dose of R&R. Don’t take this tea on the go…it’s packing quite the boozy punch! Your mug will be filled with the perfect accompaniment to onesies, sex toys, and good-smelling things. Cheers to hibernation!
“Hottie Toddy”
Lavender Tea (bag or loose)
2 oz bourbon (for this recipe, I used Wild Turkey 81 proof, which is fairly mild.)
¾ oz elderflower liqueur (like St. Elder or St. Germain)
½ oz simple syrup (I made my simple syrup with cane sugar. Because you are using hot water, you can just add sugar and it will dissolve.)
2 dashes of orange bitters
Find your favorite mug, and put all of the ingredients besides the tea in there while you are boiling some water. Once the water is ready, put your tea into the mug and pour hot water over all of the ingredients. Stir to incorporate the components and allow the tea to steep. Enjoy!
Due to the partner benefits I mentioned, I got to drink this after I photographed it, so I can tell you it’s damn good! As always, consensual sex is sober sex, so drink this delicious tea responsibly.
Keep warm, fellow winter sloths, and if you have any sex toy hibernation tips, let me know in the comments!
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